that drive.
how the sky speaks to my soul. how the presence of you makes the moment complete. my restless soul needing to feel anything. craving you. already knowing if you come too close, my heart will break. yet I accept the pain as enough.
you were there to protect me. there to be a part of the moment I finally felt peace. this lost soul coming home, even if just for a night.
finally like I know you. but still wondering who you are... why do you look at me like that? am I changing your life? is that okay?
you never ask
but then again, I don't either.
leaving the unknowns drifting in the air. maybe someday we'll know. maybe someday it will all make sense. why my heart was so drawn to yours. why your eyes could tell me everything - all the things you could never say. knowing all the reasons I shouldn't love you.
wishing I wasn't like this. that I didn't feel so deeply. that my heart was a little more rational. but it's not. and I don't want to give up on my heart just like that. your spirit lights mine up. your laugh echos in my mind. your touch lingers on my skin. your presence fills my soul. were you made for me? or just to be near in this season?
you stare at the stars with me. you drive just to drive with me—no questions asked. you protect me. you make me brave. you are so much more than you give yourself credit for, boy. you are loved. by me & by your creator. I hope you find satisfaction soon.
you are one of the few who seem to get me. who embrace my restless state and don't question my rationale. you are just there. next to me, letting me be free. how much that means to me you may never know. but it is what draws me to you. makes me feel connected to your soul, because not many connect to mine. even the ones who think they can read me, are seeing something far from my reality. I can hardly read myself, but I'm okay with that, and you seem to be too. so thank you for embracing my need for freedom and for just being near, being next to me. it truly means the world.
even when life just doesn't make sense. knowing it probably won't for a while. even knowing answers may never come. I have accepted that the mystery may be a better place to live. and if the pain is all I can feel, I will search for more. conceding to the music that forces me to feel. right now not looking back.
taking the days as they come.
slowly letting go of myself. to become a surrendered soul.
take it away, God, do your thing.
if you have to; take it all back. I will abandon my heart. make me fearless.
make me like you. your ways are good. your ways are outside of time. your ways will last forever. show me all that you are.
"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:16-19