life just doesn't make sense right now I desperately want it to... but it doesn't and it probably won't for awhile. and I guess that's okay I don't always understand the seasons I go through. sometimes I run through the puddles, and sometimes I wade through the river. sometimes I let the water pull me along and sometimes the current refines me. I'm walking this rocky, uneven, broken road. looking out for any and all who want to join my journey. why does my heartache even when I'm happy? why do I feel like I'm missing something? why do I just want a hug but never want to give one away? why am I scared of losing something I never had? life just doesn't make sense but it's okay cause I'm surviving I'm shooting clays with my friends who have become family and driving for hours with no destination in mind attempting to feel something and sitting on the roof of my car staring at the stars in the quiet darkness and holding someone's hand when they don't even know why they need it there.
I'm being present at least as best as I know how life just doesn't make sense sometimes it hurts but it also feels like fireworks inside you, erupting with desire for something more, something not found yet we are all in a search for satisfaction...
and once you've tasted it, nothing can compare. nothing at all.
the moments where you're smiling but your stomach isn't doing flips disguise themselves as authentic joy. but they aren't nearly as real and as raw as the sustainable joy found outside of satisfying yourselves. where you feel uncomfortable and vulnerable and a little lost, that's when you know you're on the road that leads home.
you feel like you're falling apart. and you probably are. but God brings beauty from ashes.
embrace the rocky, uneven, broken road. the journey is sanctifying.